A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD STILL SMELL AS SWEET....

Wheeee!  I DID IT!!!!!!

I can't believe it.  It's been over 2 weeks....again.  Sorry.  The last couple of times that I've wanted to sit down and do this either the Internet connection sucks or the page won't load.  Ah well.  So much has happpened that I want to tell y'all about so I'll do the best I can to remember most of the key points.  Luckily, I've been keeping a journal and writing in it almost every day so hopefully I can give a good account of all that has occured over the last few weeks.

So, I believe I left you on the 29th and proceeded to partake in an optional salt water cleansing technique...that was um, a shitty weekend.  Literally. Its called something like Shankprakalank (I can't pronounce it or spell it so if you really want to know, ask and I will look it up for you).  We began this process at 6AM by drinking four glasses of warm salt water with lime and doing a series of yoga poses.  If you didn't have to run to the bathroom at this point then you were to continue drinking warm salt water without the lime, which was unfortunate because that made it tolerable.  I think I was 13 glasses in before I finally had to go...ya know.  It was incredibley uncomfortable and my room of course was three floors up from the meditational hall where this "fun" morning was taking place.  Luckily I made it up there.  Went, but not much.  Started to make my way back down stairs and had to turn around and scuttle (indicating having to walk quickly while squeezing my ass cheeks together..haha) back to my room.  Then it was back downstairs to repeat this process ALL morning until what was coming out was the same color as what we were drinkink....clear.  Ok I know, you think I'm crazy or that yoga is crazy or that I'm staying in some crazy cult like place doing weird "cleansing" things.  But actually all of these are ancient techniques and are quite affective.  I mean...I got "cleaned" out.  The key to this cleanse however is to be VERY careful as to what goes back into your system for about a week.  So the intention is to not only get rid of toxins but to raise the awarness of what you put into your body So we were fed kitcheri for a week.  My LEAST favorite thing they served.  Its like over cooked rice with a ton of tumeric and becuase of the cleanse, even blander than it was before.  It basically looks like baby puke.  MMMM yummy, no? NO.  And we ate this for one week.  Yep. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.  And basically I lost it by the third day.  It is amazing the deep shit you can pull up by doing a cleanse like this but for me it was the deprivation of comfort foods, or anything that was crunchy or even chewable.  It brought up an awareness of attachments I have to foods and that of course lead to an awareness of deeper attachments.  So, in the end it was a very transformational experience...but it SUCKED nonetheless, as I suppose many transformational experiences do. 

As you can guess with any intensive immersion course there have been a lot of ups and downs.  I finally hit a sweet spot in meditation.  Nirvana?  I'm not sure, but it felt amazing.  Everything stopped.  There was nothing.  No sound, no thoughts, no movement, nothing....and then I realized that and it was, poof, gone.  But I was able to bring myself back there a few times.  I see colors when I meditate and so if I just tune out everthing and watch these colors that move and blend into eachother then I can get lost in that space of nothingness.  I don't know what the colors mean but I'm sure someday I will find out.  We went to the Hare Krishna Temple and danced and sang and they fed us a fantastic dinner.  I can't remember the last time I danced that hard...oh wait yes I can.  I LOVE DANCING!  It was a well deserved meal after icky kitcheri for a week and a night of good, hard dancing.  I was on top of the world.  I had such a good night, so much fun, wonderful conversation at dinner, and a fun rickshaw ride back to the ashram, as you can see, with a great cup of chai! =).  But with highs that high there is bound to be a low soon.  So yes,  convienently the next few days were  cloudy and grey and so was I.  I miss my family.  I missed Thanksgiving.  I miss my man and his big broad smile and big bear hugs.  I just wanted to go home.  I don't usually cry but these few days I just wanted to curl up in my sleeping bag and stay there forever.  But now I know how to not attach a story to these "bad" times, to just allow them to flow in, out and around.  To feel and express whatever is happening in that present moment because no matter what it is, 'it too shall pass'.  And it did. 

I went to the 'Beatles Ashram' that is located just accross the Luxman Jula bridge.  It is actually called the Maha Rishi Temple.  This is where the Beatle juices came and studied yoga and meditation.  The place is totally abandoned, dilapidated and overgrown with beautiufl greenery and flowers.  A gaurd stands out front and charges 50 rupees, about a dollar, to get in.  The picture is of what I assume to be one of the mediation houses.  The downstairs had a bathroom, and a single room with bookshelves and a window.  A small winding staircase led up into the bee hive shaped looking dealy-o, which I assume was used for meditaion and chanting, as the accustics are amazing in there.  I know.  I tried it out.  We explored all these buildings that were actually quite creepy and after a while everything was the same.  I can't understand why some rich person hasn't snatched up this HUGE property to fix up a slap some Beatles T-Shirts, CDs, and junk out there.  Tourists would flock by the bus load.  I guess its a good thing though.  A bunch of crazed Beatles fans sounds like a scary thing indeed.

That same weekend we had our spiritual naming ceremony.  This is a huge deal.  Our Swami/ Guru/Teahcer comes up with a name for us based on what he sees as our truest nature.  I got all dressed up in my Sari that I paid entirely too much for in Delhi.  We had a fire puja ceremoney in the upstairs yoga hall.  It was beautiful.  We sang all of the mantras that we had been studying that week.  Each of us were then called up and Swami Vishva Ji gave us our new names.  We received a mala and pearl bracelet, a large mala seed necklace with three stings (representing mother, father, and teacher), and orange cloth wrap and a candle to place into the puja center.  It was very emotional.  I didn't like the name I was given at first but it has since grown on me and I very much love it and intend to use it when I teach and go to spritual functions.  You wanna know what it is don't you?  Ok it's Jagrati.  It means "the one who is awakening through a never ending journey of self-discovery that begins with earnestness and dedication.  I love it now, but I was totally expecting something like, the sunshine in everybody's life, or the star that shines the brightest, the illuminecent one, or something brilliant like that but nooooooo instead I get some Jiggery Jaggery name.  But in the end, it's totally me.  I am Jiggery Jaggery after all.  After we were given our names the rest of the guests encircled us and tossed rose petals at us and sang the healing mantra.  The fragrance of roses were SO strong that it brought tears to my eyes.  I was flooded with grattitude and overwhelmed with pride.  It was a moment I wanted to freeze in time.  I closed my eyes, inhaled the roses and cried.  I wanted to burn that moment into my memory forever.  I'd like you to meet Jagrati.

Beautiful Jagrati, "The One Who is Awakening"

And now its all over.  I've graduated.  I'm a 500 hour trained yoga teacher.  The highest certification you can get.  It feels so surreal.  I've been though so much and at the same time I've been given the opportunity to slow down.  To live in an Ashram for 6 weeks and study under a man that I now call my Guru has been life-changing.  Guru Vishva Ji has taught me so so so much.  But most of all and most importantly he has illuminated a path that has led me to forgive myself and understand why I've walked this jiggery jaggery journey in this way  for so long.  I've had the time and the silence to contemplate who I am and what my Dharma (life purpse) is.  Just being in the presence of my Swami Ji I have learned to respect myself, to speak kindly and gently to myself, to stay in the present moment and practice yoga everyday in every way.  And those were the exact things I wrote that I wanted to accomplish in this program 7 weeks ago.  I'm so grateful for this opportunity to just be.  I've fallen completely and totally in love with myself. A feeling I haven't felt probably since I was a little kid and I didn't know any different.  I can still hear my Guru, my savior, saying, "Give a beautiful smile to yourself.  Resepct yourself.  Respect your inner teacher.  And hold this feeling all the day.  Respect yourself."

Ahh Love.  Soo Much Love.  I will miss everyone in my program.  They are all amazing teachers and I have learned from each and everyone of them.  I will never forget them or Novemeber-December 2009.  It has changed my life FOREVER.  xoxoxo

Swami VishvaJi and Jagrati 12-06-2009