Letting Go.

I can't believe that I'm leaving in two days!  It seems like a dream.  I am so excited and yet at the same time I'm sad to leave my best friend and lover behind.  It will be so very hard to be away from him for so long.  But I know that this is a trip that I have to do alone and I'm convinced that all is exactly as it should be.

I'm looking forward to slowing down a bit and focusing on my yoga and meditation.  I hate to admit this...but I have not had a regular yoga practice, um, at all really.  Yeah I know, its terrible.  Its hard to believe that I'm going to do my advanced training and I don't even feel advanced at the practice. Ah well.  It is what it is.  And I'll be fine.  I'm my own worst critic, as we all are I suppose.  I'm want to fall in love with yoga.  Not that I don't love it now.  But I want to feel crazy passionate about it.  About anything really.  I feel like I get excited about something, learn about it, study it, and then get bored with it and turn my attention towards other things.  And then I wonder why I haven't gotten far on any sort of career path.  I hope that this trip changes that.  I am hoping for clarity.  A better sense of self. A new found peace in my heart.  A quieter mind and softer heart and above all a kinder, gentler inner voice.


Its time to forgive myself for becoming an addict. To let go of all the guilt I carry in my heart.  I need to forgive myself for not being the best 1st born daughter I could've been.  For not being a better big sister.  For not being there for my real friends when they needed me the most.  For throwing true love away, disregarding his feelings just because the drug had its hold on me.  I need to forgive myself for becoming a party-girl, drunk as a skunk, and sometimes psycho alcoholic.  I'm better than those choices I made.  And although I get that it was the path that I chose and all that hoohaa made me who I am today, it still weighs my spirit down.

So here it is, my chance to let it all go.  To free myself of my past and turn my gaze permanently to the future.  To sever the chains that keep me bound to this guilt.  There is no need for that to be my story anymore!  I'm going to write a new one!  This is the Awakening of Shaharazad.  Where the new version of me comes alive.  Join me on my trip to the ancient spiritual vein of this world, India.  Please leave me comments, questions, ideas whatever!  Catch y'all on the flip side!
Happy Trails,
~Shahrazad xo